Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
