she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
