I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
