I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize