Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
