Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wear drunk well.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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