We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
