I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
