I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
