I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
