You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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