Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Damn victory sex feels great
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
