I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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