At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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