I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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