Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
