Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
