her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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