My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
