Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
