my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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