got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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