Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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