i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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