so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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