She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
