took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
