If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
