omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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