you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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