There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
not ubering you a puppy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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