i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
