They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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