I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize