But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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