my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize