I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
