I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
