Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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