Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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