Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
