I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
