ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
