I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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