Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
