Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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