ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
