Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
