So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
