She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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