I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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