So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
is it fun? or sober?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
