Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
