you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
