This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Blood and glitter go together right?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize