well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
