i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
