dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
