I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
