dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
