Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All the doctor said was why
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
