I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
