i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The air taste purple.
Randomize
