I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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