I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
