tell your sister to shave her snatch
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have tasted many bathrooms
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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