Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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