Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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