i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
