I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
