We got so high we made milksteak
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
