I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
