the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
