Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize