If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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