i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
