My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it because I queefed?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
