I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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