If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
