I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
