Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize